"Happiness is not a goal... it's a by-product of a life well-lived." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I won't sugarcoat it – there have been many times in my life when I felt lost, questioning the very purpose of my existence and the worth of my efforts. These feelings of despair have been with me since childhood, spurred by the flaws and selfishness I observed in our society. Yet, during these periods of deep sadness, I found a surprising source of renewal. On more than one occasion, I reclaimed my zest for life by distancing myself from the constant barrage of negative news and content that drained my spirit.

This tendency to fall into long bouts of sadness in response to the world's troubles eventually led me to years of exploring and trying new things. My goal was to create a life that felt genuinely fulfilling and joyful – a life that worked for me.

Of course, happiness is a deeply personal journey. My idea of an ideal and happy life might be different from yours. Nevertheless, I believe that certain tactics I used can easily improve anyone’s life and well-being, too.

What does happiness mean to you?

Or how your life should look like for you to feel happy with it…

There are many different perspectives on what happiness is and everyone can have their own philosophy about it. Typically, happiness is measured through subjective well-being, which includes overall life satisfaction, constant positive emotions and affective experiences. Some psychologists also emphasise that one’s strengths, virtues, purpose, pursuit of a meaningful life, absence of negative emotions, accomplishments and relationships contribute to the feeling of happiness.

There may be many other factors to consider, but the truth is that even with a broad definition of happiness, you'll still have a deeply personal and unique view of what it means to you.

For me, happiness, as I’ve come to understand it (and it might change in the future), means feeling that my life is balanced and that all the important areas are being tended to at the level I desire. The absence of negative emotions and the presence of positive ones also play a key role in my sense of happiness. It's about feeling positive or at least neutral emotions towards what is happening in my life. And I’m very glad to say that I’ve been feeling content with my life for a significant number of years now.

Below are the tactics I’ve used over the last several years that have helped me create my best life and achieve a sense of inner happiness:

1. Setting goals, building systems and focusing on the process instead of achievements

Sounds unnecessarily long but they all build off each other and thus are tied closely together.

First, I’m a huge fan of setting goals. I love dreaming about the future and setting both small, achievable goals and big, outrageous ones that I might want to reach someday, even if I’m not ready to plan for them yet. The small goals give my life meaning and direction, while the big ones show me the possibilities and make me excited about the future.

To achieve our goals, it’s best to break them down into small daily tasks and change ourselves along the way. For example, if my goal is to write a book by the end of the year, I could approach it in different ways. The best way, though, is to commit to writing a set number of pages every day. I need to become a writer and build a daily writing habit. This not only increases my chances of finishing the book but also transforms me as a person. With this positive change, I can then become a happier and more fulfilled person, capable of reaching my potential.

Finally, focusing on the process instead of the end achievement reduces the fear of failure. Our end goal will no longer be the achievement itself but the process of getting there, which should be enjoyable. If the process isn’t enjoyable, maybe that goal isn’t worth pursuing. For instance, I imagine that many people want to get rich. If you spend ten years doing things you hate and living a miserable life, then you won’t be happy even if you become rich. On the other hand, if you feel motivated and enjoy the process most of the time, then even if you don’t get rich, your life will still be interesting, fun, and enjoyable, making you happy regardless.

2. Having more positive habits & routines in daily life

After reading many books and interviews, I naturally started introducing the most commonly promoted new habits into my life. The key ones I picked up include daily morning meditation, daily book reading, daily planning & gratitude, and regular exercise.

I get up around 3 hours earlier than I need to before work to complete all of these habits but it did take a few months and failed attempts until these habits became a part of my morning routine and then eventually a part of my life. And let’s be honest, crossing 3-4 things off my day’s to-do list first thing in the morning also sets a very positive tone for the rest of the day. Interestingly, when I travel or go somewhere for a long time and can’t follow my morning routine, I really miss it and want to get back home. I never used to be a routine person, but it seems routines can get pretty addictive.

Positive habits and routines differ from person to person, but these are mine, and I feel happier doing them daily because they make me feel like the person I want to be. Your habits and routines might look very different, but if they are positive and good for you, they can be a great way to make you feel happier too.

3. Making more time to do the things I love

I’ve always been a multi-passionate person which, weirdly enough, made things tough for me because I just couldn’t find the time to do everything I loved. This made me feel unhappy and unfulfilled for a very long time…

To be honest, I still don’t have enough time to do all the things I love as frequently as I’d like and I still need to prioritise some hobbies over others. I learned, however, to live with intention and schedule my favourite activities into my days as something that must be done.

For example, when I set my monthly or weekly goals and tasks, along with all the must-dos and nice-to-dos, I also schedule time for my hobbies. Then, I swap different hobbies each week because there are more things I love to do than I can fit into one week.

Honestly, I'm a little envious of people who only have one or two main hobbies that they can focus on several times a week. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I've never been that person. Instead, I've had to learn how to fit them all in as often as I can with the time I have each day.

If you're also a multi-passionate person and find yourself procrastinating because you can't decide which hobby to do, then planning ahead and scheduling your fun time could help you do more of what you love more often.

4. Finding balance in all areas of life

We all have different parts of our lives that matter to us, like work, hobbies, relationships, money, health and fitness, projects, and so on. Most of us tend to focus on one or two key areas while neglecting the rest. For example, we might focus on our careers and finances but have no energy left for our health and relationships.

I've always been very work-oriented, and it took up most of my time. This meant I neglected pretty much everything else in my life, especially health and relationships.

Again, it took me a while to accept that work isn’t the only thing that matters in life and can make me happy. I had to read a lot of books written by smart people to accept the idea that happiness comes from balance and that it’s important to pay attention to all areas of life to make it enjoyable and fulfilling.

There is an exercise called The Wheel of Life that can help evaluate all our life areas and see which ones need more attention. This exercise is eye-opening and the very first step in creating a plan to balance all areas of life.

So, take a look at your life, decide where you want to be in each area, set relevant goals, and create systems to achieve balance.

5. Continuous learning and self-improvement

When I was a kid, I never saw (or perhaps never noticed) examples of people continuing to grow and evolve after a certain age, typically around 25. It seemed that everyone had a set mindset and way of living that they didn't want to change, even if they were unhappy. This might have been a result of the culture I grew up in, or maybe the idea of a growth mindset and continuous improvement was simply not a thing back then.

As I grew older and gained access to the vast world via the internet, I discovered that people can continue growing, developing, and improving throughout their entire lives. I became a bit obsessed with growth, constantly striving to be better. This drive propelled me forward so quickly that I started to worry I might die before I could read all the books I wanted and try all the things I was interested in. While this isn't the most positive thought, it did lead to an important realisation.

This obsession with growth made life incredibly exciting and limitless for me. It's a fun passion, though it comes with some downsides – like feeling that I never know enough or that I'm not good enough because I haven't mastered certain skills or read certain books. The good thing is that these negatives do not diminish my sense of happiness but the excitement of knowing that there are still so many things to learn and do enhances it!

You may not find happiness in continuous learning and self-development (many people don’t) but try finding something in life that you’d like to learn more about. Whether it's a hobby or a skill, developing an intense desire to become really good at something can transform your life. It leaves little time and energy to worry about what others think or what's wrong in the world, allowing you to feel happier and more fulfilled.

6. Trying new things

As someone who is deeply obsessed with learning and trying to become the best version of myself, I've naturally developed a passion for learning new skills and trying new hobbies.

I want to know and experience a bit of everything, which means I often find myself diving into different activities and enrolling in a wide range of courses, from business to arts, philosophy to coding, and beyond. While the new knowledge and skills don't always stick for long, this pursuit gives me an incredible thirst for life that’s hard to describe. There are so many fascinating and quirky things to do, experience, and explore that I know one lifetime won’t be enough to try them all.

Boredom and disinterest can greatly affect your happiness, so try opening your heart to learning and trying new things. You might be surprised at how it changes you.

7. Having self-love, self-compassion & accepting challenges and obstacles for what they are

When I was a teenager, I struggled with self-hatred. It was a tough time marked by a poor mindset that made me feel my life was miserable and useless. Whether I naturally grew out of this or my interest in self-improvement helped, the important thing is that I developed strong self-love and self-compassion, which is such a beautiful thing!

When you love and take care of yourself, nothing others do or say to you matters so much anymore. Criticism, judgement or negative opinions from other people can still touch you but it matters so much less and for a much shorter period of time because you know that others don’t know and understand you the way you do. Even at times when you do something wrong by accident and feel upset about yourself, self-compassion helps you learn what you need from it, pick yourself up and keep going.

When it comes to challenges and obstacles in life - they can feel really unfair and even depressing. For example, when I was younger, I couldn’t understand why certain things came easily to others but not to me. It seemed like everyone else had better lives and good things just happened to them without trying hard at all. This mindset was unnecessary and unhelpful to me.

I finally realised that we all face challenges and obstacles we need to overcome and, most importantly, that achievements without any challenges and obstacles are not that sweet! It helps to imagine that you’re the main character in your life story, where you need to overcome certain obstacles to grow and become the person you’re meant to be. So, love yourself enough to face all challenges that come your way with pride and dignity, and be compassionate with yourself when you stumble. It’s all part of your journey toward something amazing.

8. Starting and doing things before being ready

Some people naturally jump into things, while others, like me, hold themselves back until they feel perfectly ready. I used to want to become absolutely perfect at something before jumping on various projects, which meant that I rarely did anything I wanted because I never felt ready.

I can’t recall where I read it, but a lesson stuck with me: “do the thing you wanna do before you feel ready and then refine it as you go”. Such a simple, yet profound idea that hit me deeply and changed my life. If I had never encountered it, I probably still wouldn’t have done many interesting things in life and wouldn’t even be writing this article now. Instead, I’d probably be stuck on a sofa, binge-watching television series and feeling sorry for myself.

The thing is, there is no need to be perfect to do something unless your or someone else's life and well-being are at risk. Most of the things can be done imperfectly at the beginning and then improved over time. This simple idea helped me start many things I’m quite bad at and eventually cured my perfectionism, which is great for happiness. Not being afraid to fail or be imperfect is honestly life-changing.

I recommend you try this if you’re a little bit of a perfectionist and worry about receiving criticism for doing something you’re visibly bad at - don’t let the fear of judgment and imperfection stop you from doing the things you want to do. The best way to become great at something is to start and then keep doing it.

9. Creating and building positive relationships

This is somehow one of those things I never paid much attention to when I was younger and just allowed to happen naturally. This meant that I was surrounded by a mix of positive and negative relationships without thinking much of it.

Eventually, after a major “event” in my life, that led me to have a long period to focus on myself, I developed a strong desire to distance myself from people who didn’t have my best interest at heart. Over time, I found myself naturally connecting only with those who make me feel good and avoiding those who negatively impact my life unless absolutely necessary.

Distancing myself from toxic people and relationships has greatly improved my quality of life. Now I only have a small circle of friends I hold dear to my heart, but these are the people I cherish and invest my time and energy to maintaining strong, deep connections with.

You’ve probably heard about the 85-year Harvard study on happiness, which revealed that positive relationships are the number one factor in a happy life. I truly believe this. I'm not extremely people-oriented and enjoy spending time alone, but knowing I have people who care about me and whom I care about gives me a sense of ease, fulfillment, and happiness.

This might be your sign to re-evaluate your relationships and let go of the ones that no longer serve you. Remember, letting go of people who don’t make your life more beautiful and joyful will give you more time and energy to work on and develop deeper relationships with those that matter to you.

10. Finding a meaningful career, work, project or hobby…

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve always been very career-focused, yearning to work somewhere awesome doing something meaningful. I imagined myself at a charity, non-profit, or social enterprise. Mind you, this is not where I eventually found myself - I joined a small for-profit company that seemed fun and a place where I could learn amazing skills.

I managed to find enjoyment and meaning in my job, but I still felt something was missing. I wanted to work on something bigger than myself, something life-changing that would give my life purpose and meaning. So, I started creating my own side projects that were meaningful to me. While I still dream of joining a fantastic non-profit or social enterprise in the future, I realised that each of us can create something meaningful for ourselves.

The point I want to make here is that if you do feel stuck, somewhat unhappy or uninterested in life, finding (or creating) something meaningful to work on regularly could be the key to giving your life purpose and meaning.

I understand that not everyone is as goal-oriented or focused on life design as I am. Some people feel naturally happy and satisfied without much additional planning, which is fantastic! But if you’re like me and always want something a little extra, I hope the tips I’ve shared will be useful to you too.