Here's what I've Learnt From The Book "Becoming Bulletproof" by Evy Poumpouras

My Highlights

⭐ Surviving Fear & Fight, Flight, or Freeze

We are born with two kinds of fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds. Beyond these, all other fears are learned fears. There is no limit to the fears we can accumulate in our lifetime.

Fight, Flight, or Freeze: If it’s a threat we think we can overpower, we go into Fight mode, if it’s a threat we think we can outrun, we go into Flight mode, and if it’s a threat where we think we can do neither—we Freeze. People may have different responses to the same stimuli but no one F3 response is the “correct” response to a threat.

The Power of Regret

There are two types of regrets: Those we have after we’ve done something (often psychologically agonising but pain diminishing with time) and those that come from not doing something (something we hold on to for the rest of our lives, hoping we could turn the clock back and change it). Far more people regret not doing something than something they have done, because failing to act leaves open infinite possibilities of what might have been and so there is no closure and we’re left to imagine what could have been.

⚡ Mental Armour

Mental armour acts as an internal firewall against the harmful words or actions of others that might otherwise hurt, undermine or diminish you. Developing your mental armour allows you to choose what you want to take in and what you want to keep out. With a mental shield, you’ll be able to become bolder, braver, and more daring in your life.

Regardless of what you fear, stress about, or hope to improve upon, you can always find a way to conquer it, as long as you work your way toward that goal. You can do so by implementing the following steps:

STEP 1️⃣: EXPOSE Identify stressors that you can introduce into your life to help you strengthen your mental armour. These should feel uncomfortable but make sure you start small and don’t overdo it.

STEP 2️⃣: EXPERIENCE Study yourself under the condition of heightened stress to learn all that you can about your natural reaction to the stimulus.

STEP 3️⃣: ADJUST Identify areas where you want to make adjustments. What can you do differently to help you achieve the desired result, e.g. spend more time on your preparation. Every little adjustment you make will add up to big improvements over time.

STEP 4️⃣: OVERCOME Choose one area to focus on and correct. Keep the task both manageable and attainable - if there are multiple areas you want to work on in public speaking, for example, work on one until you’ve mastered it before moving on to the next.

STEP 5️⃣: REPEAT Repeat steps 1–4. Having strong mental armour requires repetition and maintenance. Think of it like trying to improve your bench press.

🚩 Avoid the Hot Zones

One of the first strategies for building mental toughness is taking inventory of who you surround yourself with. Honestly assess every person in your circle and decide whether or not they’re truly a friend or a foe. You may ask these questions yourself to do this:

• When I present my ideas or opinions, are they met with criticism or acceptance?

• When I express my feelings, are they quickly dismissed or deeply considered?

• Am I routinely the butt of the joke or am I in on the punch line?

• Am I usually the last to know something or the first to be informed?

• In my absence, do I go unnoticed or am I missed?

• When I am there, do I feel like an intruder or part of the group?

• When I leave an interaction with someone, do I feel worse or better about myself?

Your goal is to be selective and thoughtful about which battles to fight and why so you can avoid pointless confrontations. The key is to be able to determine when it makes sense to fight and when it makes sense to walk away.

When faced with a situation in which you’re being provoked, take a moment to let your emotions pass, and then ask yourself, “Do I really need to respond?” Assess the situation from a logical vantage point—rather than an emotional one —and base your decisions on what will ultimately benefit you in the long run. If you ever find yourself struggling to identify whether or not you need to respond, ask yourself:

• Is this a true emergency that requires my immediate attention?

• Is this a relevant issue that I must respond to?

• Is this something I can ignore?

• Is my response going to invite unnecessary drama?

• If I don’t respond, will there be negative repercussions?

• Are they trying to make their problem my problem?

• Am I being baited into an argument?

• Is this distracting me from more important tasks?

☂ Mental Resilience

Mental resilience is our ability to analyze, adjust, and psychologically rebound from adversity. It’s seeing a problem for what it is and then shifting toward a solution.

• Mental resilience serves three purposes:
  To keep you emotionally composed in a moment of crisis
  To help you effectively problem-solve using logic and reason
  To quickly recover from any mental hardship

When forced to deal with unexpected issues, it’s better to use your mental energy to have a solution mindset rather than obsess over the problem. Follow the steps below to do this:

STEP 1️⃣: SET AN EXPIRATION DATE
Give yourself enough time to grieve over what has happened to you—because if you move on too quickly, you may end up suppressing the issue rather than accepting it. Set an expiration date to minimise the length of time you allow yourself to spend on your emotional hardship as if you dwell in anger or misery or self-pity for too long, you’ll end up making it much more difficult to extricate yourself from those emotions.

STEP 2️⃣: ACCEPTANCE
Once you’ve moved through your emotional hurdles, accept where you are now. Don’t try to start from where you had been or where you wish to be. Live in your new reality along with the mindset that this is your problem to solve. Take ownership of your problem so that you can also take ownership of the solution.

STEP 3️⃣: SHIFT TO THE SOLUTION MINDSET
Solutions require innovation. Creativity. Shift your mindset away from the problem and toward the solution. You may have already begun coming up with some possible improvements. It’s time to start putting those plans into action.

🌩 Mental Attitude: Powerful vs. Powerless

When you have a powerless attitude, you’re constantly blaming external forces for your difficulties and problems as if nothing in your life is your fault. A powerful attitude allows you to take ownership of your situation and acknowledge and accept that you have played a role in some way, which then allows you to change its course. When you have a powerful attitude, you know that there are actions you can take to alter or enhance your circumstances. You are at no one’s mercy but your own.

🔥 Disrupter

A disrupter is something that mentally distracts you from the problem at hand. The point of a disrupter is to change your environment in order to interrupt your state of mind. It helps you create space between a stimulus and your response to it. You can try the below:

Place: Placing physical distance between you and your hardship is a great way to shift your emotional outlook. E.g. you may need to put some space between you and someone you’re in conflict with, such as a loved one or a co-worker. Sometimes a simple drive to the beach or the park can be enough. 2. Activity: Do something to physically alter your mental state. E.g. signing up for a sculpting or cooking class can help. Or heading out dancing or bowling with your friends, or maybe doing a tough workout in the park. Whatever the physical activity, make sure it’s challenging enough to draw your full attention.

3. Time: Using time as a disrupter is another way to pull yourself out of the mental mess swimming in your head. E.g. leave it to rest for twenty-four hours before doing anything.

🚀 If You Must Fight, Then Fight

The world is full of people who will try to dismiss, intimidate, and violate you. And there are those moments in our lives when we must speak up, push back, and fight. However, these moments should be few and far between.

While it indeed takes great courage to fight, it takes greater courage to know when to walk away. That said, during those times in your life when you decide to stand your ground, do so with conviction. You cannot waver or hold back out of fear. You must fully commit to it mentally and physically as if you lack conviction and belief in what and why you are doing, you’ll lose before the first punch is ever thrown.

👾 Be a Counter-Predator

Embrace conflict and confrontation when you need to. Don’t take on the role of the victim when a predator enters your life. Instead, become a counter-predator willing to defend yourself against anyone who tries to overpower you. Become someone who walks through life with a quiet sense of calm and inner strength.

Most predators like to test you before deciding whether or not to attack. E.g. a school bully will deliberately bump into you just to see if you make eye contact with them or keep walking. A pickpocker will invade your personal space while standing in line to test how close they can get without you reacting. A jealous co-worker may spread rumours about you to see whether you confront them…

We assume that predators are strong and full of self-confidence and thus we tend to project all our fears onto them, allowing them to take the role of a predator while we volunteer to take on the role of prey. However, the truth is that predators are often the ones full of self-doubt and fear, which is why they choose those they think are weaker than them.

Predators will assess everything about you, both verbally and nonverbally and if they perceive you as strong and aware of your surroundings, they will move on to someone less likely to fight back. Therefore, when you’re out in the world, present yourself with an air of vigilance and assurance. Walk with your shoulders back and head up. Don’t be afraid to make eye contact with people. Show awareness. And if something doesn’t feel right, don’t neglect it.

👀 Reading People

Reading people means looking beyond categories and stereotypes and seeing them in all of their complexity and contradiction. Before you can read someone’s body language you need to first get attuned to their habits by paying attention to how they behave under non-heightened circumstances (when they are relaxed) to get a baseline.

Be an active listener

Be present and get rid of distractions to give your undivided attention to the person sitting in front of you. Make them feel that they matter and that you’re happily giving them all the time they need to talk and express themselves. Be super-observant - look for clusters of behaviour to identify a person’s tell signs (habits and physical traits that deviate from how a person normally behaves in a neutral setting).

Pay attention to how they sit or stand, their posture, the words they use, and the way they speak when you ask basic questions or talk about regular, simple things. This way you’ll be able to establish the normal level of eye contact that a specific person maintains, and then notice how and if that changes when you start pressing them more.

Common signs:

OH GOD:
Some people may look up when exasperated and they may do this when you ask them about something they don’t want to discuss.

DEER IN HEADLIGHTS:
It’s the Freeze response and can happen as a result of a perceived threat or the fear of being caught in a lie.

SHOCK:
When someone’s F3 kicks in, you might see the whites of their eyes above or below the iris. It can last for just a second but can be a good indicator that a person is stressed.

THE MOUTH
Clenching of one’s jaw or the grinding of teeth can be a sign of anger or stress. Biting of the lips, tightening of the mouth, twisting the lips to one side, or even dry mouth (exaggerated swallowing) shows nervousness.

SMILE
Don’t mix fake and genuine smiles. A genuine one lasts between 0.5 and 4 seconds, whereas a fake one lasts for much longer and can stay on a person’s face for quite some time. A fake smile also typically only affects the bottom half of the face, leaving the eyes and cheeks relatively neutral.

LAUGHTER
Some people tend to release the tension they are feeling during an argument by laughing (it’s just a simple F3 response that some people have).

FIDGETING
When nervous, some people may start fidgeting (playing with objects near them, such as pens, rubbing their hands together, scratching themselves, cracking their knuckles, or biting their fingernails. If a person engages in similar activities when your conversation gets difficult, it may mean that they are feeling anxious and want to withhold something from you.

GROOMING
Women may start hair twirling when they are nervous, whereas men may start pulling on their moustache or their beard. It can also include such things as picking imaginary lint from clothes and smoothing up wrinkles on their clothes.

ILLUSTRATORS
You can see that someone is telling a real story if they tell it with illustrations or gestures as if they are reliving what they are saying, whereas if a person is stoic and rigid when retelling a story, it may indicate a manufactured or rehearsed narrative.

POSTURE
A person who carries themselves upright can convey confidence or arrogance, while a person who slouches may convey weakness, fear, or guilt.

SUPPORTIVE AND DEFENSIVE GESTURES
Sometimes you’ll see people lean forward with their elbows on the table and their chin resting in their hands. This is what’s called a supportive gesture in which someone feels the need to physically support themselves.

People who feel uncomfortable, defensive, or threatened tend to cross their arms in front of their chest, which can indicate that there’s something that person is trying to protect or defend.

CROSSED LEGS
If a person crosses their legs toward the other person, this can indicate that they feel at ease with them or even that they want to be closer. If a person crosses their legs away from another person, then it can show that the meeting is not going well.

💁‍♀️ What Are They Really Saying?

Getting a baseline allows to establish one’s verbal patterns prior to engaging in any heightened conversation. Then when you see any of these phrases below emerge from their normal way of speaking at a pivotal moment, you can understand that something is up:

You’re so dumb.
(“That’s a stupid question.”, “You already asked me this.“)

These are the sorts of things people say when trying to stop your questioning in hopes that you’ll feel dumb and back off.

You talkin’ to me?
(“Are you asking me?”, “What did I do last night?”)

A person may answer with a question trying to win some extra time to think about how to properly respond.

I have better things to do.
(“How long is this going to take?”, “I don’t have time for this.”)

When someone answers with something similar to this, it’s usually because you’ve touched a topic they don't want to discuss.

What’s the Big Deal?
(“Is this really that big a deal?”, “You’re making this into a bigger issue than it really is.” )

A person will ask a question like this trying to make you believe that you’re just blowing things out of proportion and overreacting to something unimportant.

Refusing to Commit
(“That’s pretty much all I know.”, “Nothing else is coming to mind right now.”)

Someone may use this tactic to make it seem as though they’ve either told you everything that can think of/remember so that when and if more information comes up later, they can just simply say something similar to “Ah, yes, now I remember,” or “I forgot about that until you brought it up.”

Lying by Omission (“I don’t know.”, “I forgot.”)
Someone may “forget” certain parts of the story when they are not willing to share the whole truth with you. If you notice that the things they “don’t remember” cluster around a certain uncomfortable topic, consider it a red flag.

The Non-Answer
Q: “What time did you get home last night?”
A: “I usually get home around 6 p.m.”

If a person avoids answering the exact question, it’s likely that they do this to avoid giving you the complete truth or having to tell you a blatant lie.

Divine Intervention (“I swear to God.”, “As God is my witness.”)
When someone is lying, they may work extra hard to make you believe it by invoking deities and dead parents or any number of loved ones to try to exonerate themselves.

Catastrophic Event
(“Professor, I’m sorry I didn’t finish the assignment. My aunt died.”, “My grandfather’s house burnt down.” )

A person might use this kind of excuse to make you feel bad for them so you don’t ask any follow-up probing questions.

Don’t you know who I think I am?
(“I’m a married man. I would never cheat!” , “I’m a doctor. I would never risk my profession.”)

When someone invokes their status as a means of convincing you of something, think why they might do this and then ask them why that matters.

You’re picking on me.
(You’re just picking on me because you don’t like me.”, “You’re doing this because of my race/gender/religion/sexual preference.” )

People may use this tactic as a way of frightening you off during a difficult conversation they don’t want to be involved in at all. Calling someone out for messing up is part of life, so be mindful when people use this as a manipulation tactic.

Emphatic Denial
(“Absolutely not! I did not do that!”, “I categorically deny everything you just said.” )

Over-the-top denials tend to be lies. Truth is usually told simply, directly, and matter-of-factly, e.g. “No, I didn’t”.

Integrity Qualifiers
(“Honestly, I didn’t see her there.”, “Well, to be perfectly honest with you…” )

Unless someone’s speech is normally full of such qualifiers, words like honestly and truthfully should be red flags.

Trust me
(“Trust me. I know what I’m doing.”)

Never trust ANYONE, who tells you to trust them without explaining anything. This is a major red flag.

Oh, by the way…
(“Oh, by the way, the deadline for that report is tomorrow.”, “Oh, before you go, can I borrow your car?” )

Questions asked at the very end of the conversation just before you finish are typically the actual questions that the person was most interested in discussing with you.

Third Person
(“Joe Smith is an honest guy.”, “Betty Jones would never do that. “)

If anyone talks about themselves in the third person, just stay away.

Verb Tenses
(“So, I find this wallet and there’s no money in it.”, “I’m walking to school and suddenly the wind blows all of my homework away.”)

When someone is recalling something that’s already happened, they speak in the past tense. If they are telling a story in the present moment, then they are creating a lie as they speak.

Why “I” Matters
(“Love you.”, “Going to the store.”)

When a person avoids using I (taking ownership), they are likely trying to distance themselves from what they’re saying.

No Answer Is an Answer
(“…”)

If there is a delay or notable pause after you ask someone a direct question such as “Did you take the money out of my wallet?” count it as a red flag.

👂 How People Read You

Always consider your audience when selecting what to wear as your clothing can have a very powerful impact on how others perceive you. Ask yourself: “Who is my audience and what am I trying to convey?”

Keeping a poker face when listening to someone talk will mask your true feelings while you’re collecting the details you need. Be attentive and nod politely as a way to encourage them to continue speaking but maintain a soft facial expression and hold a relaxed pose, while leaning forward. You should appear as if you really care about what the person is saying and that you really want to be there, even if you don’t. Appear positive and interested.

OPENNESS
Always make yourself appear open - keep your arms and legs uncrossed, palms unhidden, hands out of pocket. Don’t slouch - let your chest be open, your head level.

EYE CONTACT
When you make eye contact, it increases that person’s trust and confidence in you. It shows that they are worthy of your time and attention.

FIDGETING
You want to show ease and openness wherever possible so don’t fidget or start picking lint off your clothing when you’re having a conversation. Don’t twirl your hair or play with pens or objects nearby as it shows nervousness and can be distracting.

BARRIERS
Remove any physical barriers that separate you from other people (such as tables or desks) as they create division between you and your audience. Whether you’re in a job interview or sales pitch or meeting someone for the first time, remember to keep your body open and unobstructed.

🎭 It’s Not What You Say But How You Say It

It’s likely that the voice you're currently using is not your true voice but the voice you’ve adopted over the course of your life. It contains all the markers of your confidence levels, your insecurities, your fears, and your worries and it’s most likely moulded by your race, culture, ethnicity, gender, etc.

Once you’re able to identify how your voice habits reflect certain aspects of your life experiences, you can start making conscious choices about which of those elements you want to keep and which you want to change.

Practice speaking from different areas of your body (belly, throat, nose, chest) and listen for which of those vocal tones feel best to you and then practice consciously speaking from there so you can project your most powerful voice.

Fast speaking exudes nervousness. It creates an impression that you don’t want to take up people’s time because you think that what you have to say isn’t that important. Speaking fast makes you appear overly nervous and less articulate.

Slow speaking exudes power. If you slow down your speech and give yourself time to think, it‘ll allow a listener to keep up and absorb the information you’re offering. In turn, it’ll send the message that your ideas matter, convey confidence and that you’re worth taking up the listener’s time.

Declarative speech - don’t diminish your words by second-guessing them as they come out of your mouth. Say them with strength and conviction, without lifting your voice at the end of the sentence.

Filler words - don’t undermine the weight of your words with filler words. Give yourself time to formulate your thoughts and articulate your ideas thoughtfully and completely. If you want people to respect you, give them a voice they can respect - and keep the um’s and like’s out of it.

Speak up - speaking at a soft volume sends a message that you’re insecure and uncomfortable, or that you’re afraid of speaking your mind. When you speak loudly and clearly, you send the message that you’re worth listening to.

Silence - don’t be afraid of it, but use it to think before you speak so you can appear more thoughtful and deliberate. The silence here and there will also allow listeners to absorb what you’re saying.

You can also try recording yourself speaking as it will allow you to identify what you don’t like in your voice or the way your speak. Then try improving one thing at a time for a period of time until you’re happy with how you sound and articulate yourself. The way you speak is just a habit and with a little bit of effort, it can be changed.

🔔 Detecting Deception

Lying Linear
Most people lie linear and they’ll make up a story and tell it in the order that it would really happen, without adding too many unnecessary details so they don’t need to recall so much information later.

To catch people lying, wait for them to finish the story without interrupting and then ask them to tell you again what they did right before a specific event. If they were lying, it will be difficult for them to come back to their own story and retell it without any inconsistencies, they may even start fidgeting, breaking eye contact, etc.

Spontaneous Corrections
Listen for any spontaneous corrections they make while telling you what happened - the key here is that it has to be spontaneous - meaning they must do it on their own without being asked to clarify something. A truthful person will always want for their story to be as correct as possible but a liar will not.

He said what?
If quotations show up during a story, it’s more likely that the story, or at least a part of it, is true. In other words, if the speaker repeats something someone else said word for word, they’re likely to be truthful.

Complications
Research shows that when complications are added to the story, they’re more likely to be true. The more complex the story sounds, the more likely it is that it’s true.

🐙 How to Influence

“Your words are your most powerful weapon. If you learn how to use your words deliberately and thoughtfully, you will be able to get people to give you what you want. When you communicate effectively with people, they will listen”.

You should know that the words you choose are not about you but about the person who hears them. Instead of trying to force someone to see the world through your eyes, try seeing it through theirs.

Every word has a definition and every definition has a meaning, which has an impact on the person you’re talking to. As such, every word you say should have a strategy that collectively manoeuvres the conversation in a particular direction. Once you learn how to use your words correctly, you can master your whole future.

“Influence is about using subtle strategies to affect someone’s mindset or behaviour to get what you want while staying true to who you are.” Influence is fully dependent on creating a genuine connection with another person so they can feel that they can trust you. This trust comes through building a rapport - a mutual investment of time, attention, and energy between two people.

Once you recognise and appreciate another person, you add value to their lives, which in turn adds value to your own.

🤓 Undivided Attention

When you’re meeting people for the first time, make sure to address them by their name and repeat the person’s name at least a couple of times in the conversation.

This will allow you to imprint it into your memory and will also have the added benefit of making them feel more connected to you in the present.

😺 Commanding Respect

Respect is not something that can be forced or demanded. It’s a gift. If someone wants to give it to you, they will. And if they don’t - they won’t.

While words are powerful, when it comes to demanding respect, it’s best to stay silent simply show the world who you are through what you do.

The measure of your success should not be respect, but your resolve to carry out your particular purpose or mission in a way that brings you pride and satisfaction. The person whose opinion truly matters is yours.

Open-ended questions compel people to offer a more nuanced narrative. And as we know by now, narratives are difficult to fabricate on the spot, making it easier to see the red flags that could indicate dishonesty or omission.

❔ The Right Questions

Open-ended questions compel people to offer a more nuanced narrative. Narratives are difficult to fabricate on the spot which makes it easier to see the red flags that could indicate dishonesty or omission.

The best way to ask open-ended questions is by using the acronym TED:
Tell: “Tell me how your day was.”
Explain: “Explain what happened.”
Describe: “Describe your meeting with your boss.”

Avoid: Compound questions
When you ask multiple questions within the same question, it’s called a compound question. These sorts of questions can be difficult for people to navigate or answer accurately.

Avoid: Assumptive Questions
These questions are designed around assumptions that may or may not be true.

When to ask closed-ended questions:
Closed-ended questions are typically meant to be asked towards the end of the conversation. As a person is speaking, rather than interrupting or cutting them off, take mental notes of anything they may have left out or details that you want to know more about.

🤼 The Principles of Rapport

The more empathetic you are, the more people will be drawn to you. You can connect with them on an entirely different level because you radiate a sense of understanding, compassion, and respect. In return, people will begin to trust and value your opinions.

When you’re in an important meeting and want to use your influence to create a positive outcome, try mirroring the body language of the person sitting across from you. If they have a hand cupped under their thin, you might do the same, etc.

Keep Your Ego In Check:

When people monopolize the conversation without adding anything meaningful, it’s a sign of insecurity. Don’t be that person.

If you want your voice to be heard, have something relevant to say, add value, and contribute ideas or thoughts.

🔆 The Tactics of Influence

Researchers found that when someone experiences a feeling of warmth, such as holding a warm cup of coffee, they will subconsciously judge the originator of that warmth as more trustworthy, friendly, and likeable. The opposite is also true - if someone handed you a cold glass of iced tea, for example, you would have seen that person as less friendly and more likely to interfere with your plans for success.

The open bottle of water, open magazine, and multiple open windows display a sense of openness. These primers have been shown to nudge you to be more open with your thoughts and your willingness to consider other people’s perspectives, which could have an interesting effect on your negotiating power.

Accepting, agreeing, opportunity, open, together, sharing, positive, partnership, and team. All these words focus the listener’s attention on such things as positivity, openness, and a sense of collaboration.

The next time you’re in an important business meeting, try having it in a place where there are windows to the outside world, which promotes openness. An open pitcher of water or some open books can also help. Lighting is also important.

You are in My Space:

Intimate space: direct contact up to 18 inches. This distance is reserved for only those we’re most intimate with, such as lovers, close family members, and children.

Personal space: 18 inches to 4 feet. This distance is shared with our close friends and family members.

Social Space: 4 feet to 12 feet. This distance is for strangers, people we just met, and acquaintances.

Public space: 12 feet+. This distance is best for giving public speeches or interacting with an audience.

Next time you are starting a conversation with someone, pay attention to the space that naturally forms between you. If the person you’re speaking with seems engaged, and you’re interested in getting to know them better, try to slowly close the gap between you two. This will subtly create a vibe that you’re close and can chat comfortably. However, if the person’s nonverbal behaviour changes for the worse, retreat and allow the space to open up. The best way to bridge a gap between yourself and another person is to find things in common, e.g. favourite food, or music style. Trying to find “common” ground with people is important and even when there isn’t any, you can create it in subtle ways.

The more people come into your space, the more personally connected they’re feeling towards you. If they start to back away, either you’re too close or they are not interested in what you have to say.

Give People a Choice

People desire autonomy (the ability to have a personal choice that gives a sense of control and independence). When it comes to things that you don’t overly care about, such as the location or timing of the meeting, it’s best to let another person decide.

People will be more willing to compromise and work with you if they feel that you’ve already extended courtesy and flexibility towards them so offer autonomy wherever you’re willing to give up control so you don’t have to surrender it for those things you truly care about.

🔱 How Others Influence You

Seek advice and counsel from many - you can learn something from every person (e.g. your parents, friends, teachers, supervisors, etc.)

Don’t assume that you must physically meet your mentor - it can be anyone whose ideas and opinions you find valuable. It is frequently enough to watch or listen to them online.

Spend more time on your own - it will enable you to think more deeply and creatively, without limitation, so you can actually focus on your personal truth and think clearly for yourself. Spending time alone will also help you understand whether thoughts and opinions you hold about different things are actually your own, or they came from someone else.

Never self-edit - avoid coming up with a new dream only to kill it on the spot, e.g. that you lack the skill, experience, talent, self-worth to achieve something you desire. “The first ‘no’ you hear should never come from you.”

Never compare yourself to anyone else - every time you spend your energy comparing or being jealous of someone else means that you have less energy remaining to spend on yourself and your skills, talents, etc.